MyPoopisGreen

It’s been a while, I know. And while the year is almost over, the stories seem to be the same. I’m beside myself with frustration over the fact that there are people in the world, or better phrase - MY PATIENTS - who need information spoon fed to them. Now, I have said this before, and I’ll say it again - I understand, once, even twice of explaining things or telling somone something, but when it becomes basically an every day occurance, and you can basically sense the tension in my voice, it means that you are calling too much and annoying!

A) I understand that you may be calling me because you, (or your spouse) is uncomfortable. I am sincerely sorry about that. I don’t think that you should have to be in discomfort, or heaven forbid - pain, for an extended period of time. Having to deal with these things on a day to day basis I truly understand that being in discomfort (pain) is very stressful and also an exhausting experience.

B)I am a Medical Assistant. I’m not a doctor. I’m not a magician. I don’t have some sort of magical powers, pills, tricks, or trades that will somehow “cure” you. In fact, if I could somehow do that, I wouldn’t be dealing with my own issues - just to be selfish for a moment. And I would help you as quickly as my magical-ness could carry me, because I really don’t want to listen to ya bitch about it anymore!

So let’s get down and dirty. You’re constipated - (or your spouse). I’ve told you REPEATEDLY to go to the Emergency Room. You have REPEATEDLY refused, explained or talked your way out of it. You REPEATEDLY have called and gone on and on and on about how much you - (or your spouse) is in “extreme pain”. I tell you again, GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM. And you proceed to go on at me about the fact that then you are just seeing an “internist” and not the “specialist” and since I’m sitting in the “specialists” office I must some how have control over the fact whether or not you (or your spouse) goes to the bathroom. Guess what? I don’t, I can’t, and in the end I just want you to - GO TO THE FREAKING EMERGENCY ROOM!!!! I don’t care what you think. Or how “tough” you (or your spouse) are. Because if you are in pain, you are uncomfortable and as you’ve told me, haven’t gone to the bathroom in 19 days, and you have examined your or (”eh-hem” your spouse’s) bathroom habits and haven’t seen any solid stool in them, maybe you should GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM!!!!! You won’t listen to me about this, so I don’t know why, when you call about wondering whether or not you are causing damage or possibly bringing you (or your spouse) closer to death you would listen to me then. You want the doctor to talk to you about this - but the fact is, your doctor isn’t there. When we say that we have a doctor on call it’s because I can call and ask them questions and then call you back and tell you the answer. It really doesn’t mean that you are going to TALK with the doctor. And why so many people call wanting to speak directly with the doctor - SERIOUSLY? You truly believe that you can just call and ask to speak with your doctor like they are right in the other room and have nothing else to do? The answer to that one is - NO. You get to talk to the receptionists (the first line of defense), if you get past them to the Medical Assistant (the second front) you are doing pretty good. But the Doctor is like the General, or the President (really ain’t gonna happen).

I’m sorry. I’m cranky because it’s two days before Christmas and I’ve had the Wackadoo Parade come out in full force. There are legitimate people who need attention, and immediate attention. But the difference between these people that I don’t want to rip my hair out over and Constipation Equation above is that THEY LISTEN! If I told them to GO TO THE ER, they would, I don’t know….GO TO THE ER!!!!!

I do wish all a Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays and a peaceful and less wacky New Year!

Take care all.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS