MyPoopisGreen

Let’s tackle this captivating issue, that so many people seem to suffer from. I’m sure that it’s something that everyone reading this wants to know about. Basically, I’m think that if you are reading this, you get my sense of humor, which makes you more along the lines of whatever counts as not crazy these days. So let’s hold our noses (figuratively) and jump right in…

First off, constipation means that YOU CAN’T POOP!!! It means that you are all clogged up and you can’t go. For whatever reason, either it’s just the way that your body processes things, you are out of your element in whatever way that might be, or maybe you’ve just been eating a lot of something that has “bound” you up. Example: cheese…

So yes, there are people that have what is known as “chronic constipation” which basically means that they are bound up more often than not. It really is just a bodily function, and honestly, when it all comes down to it - the human body is an amazing machine. It takes care of itself, and while you might not get all that waste out all the time, the body does what it can with it and creates a solution. You might not feel overly comfortable when these episodes happen, and there are ways that people figure out how to take care of their own problems. I mean, come on. Isn’t there that certain food? That certain thing that YOU know will do the trick? You’ve got it covered and you don’t have to call your doctor because you haven’t pooped in 24 hours and you ALWAYS go every morning at 9AM. You could set your watch by it. Don’t laugh, I have people tell me this. I have people that are so upset that they haven’t had their three bowel movements a day, and while that’s normal for them there are others that haven’t gone in three days, heck there are people that haven’t gone in three weeks and to them, while it’s not comfortable they aren’t complaining as much as the 3 a day poopers that have only gone once, or horrors haven’t gone at all today! Are ya kidding me?

Why are you spending all your day sitting on the toilet waiting for something that probably is not going to happen after 5 minutes? Five hours, five days - WHY are you just sitting there? And WHAT is with the whole newspaper/magazine thing? WHY are you sitting there for that long that you can read an article? Do you like to sit there and smell what you’ve just created? Uh-huh. I’m moving on, best not to get me started on that…And PLEASE make all the women that have some bloating and gas STOP telling me that “seriously, they look as though they are 7 months pregnant” - OH COME ON!!! I’ve seen these “7 month pregnant” people when they whine and complain and I bring them in for a visit cause I just can’t listen to them on the phone anymore. And here they come, strutting along in there tiny little skirts, there perfect hair, their spot on makeup. They look like a million bucks, and yet they are “so miserable” - I’ve been here people. You feel like crap - you look like crap. There is no way to cover up the “crap” look. So stop crying at me over the phone! You aren’t that bad off if you’re showing up like this!!!

In closing. Constipation is when you CAN’T go. It doesn’t mean that you’ve had a small bowel movement here. You’ve had some “diarrhea” (read as: loose stool) there - and that was yesterday, but today, you just CAN’T go. Get over it! Go get a nice cup of coffee, maybe some tea - hell, go out and have a chilli burger with fries if that does it for you. Walk around, stay active, don’t dwell on the fact that you haven’t gone to the bathroom yet, and I’m think that maybe, just maybe you’ll be okay in the end.

Haha. Take care.

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