MyPoopisGreen

It’s interesting what people will say to you on the phone - and I don’t mean the flat out dumb things they say. It’s more along the lines of the surprising things that they say as well as the interesting things, that it gets all of us at work talking about.

One of the girls got a call from a patient asking if this was when they had to “drink that shit”… how does one exactly respond to that question? I know that I’ve been asked a lot of stuff, but that was sorta a new one. It made me laugh, because what else are you going to do? You can’t be offended, considering the liquid prep isn’t in any way pleasant. And you’ve got to guess that the person is just resenting the fact that they have to do a colonoscopy on all the levels that are present. However, what does one say to that? You can’t very well say, “Well, yes sir, it would be time for you to drink “the shit” to begin the process.” I suppose you have the option of playing dumb and asking “what shit that would be?” But I guess in the end you have to go with the PC way of answering the question and responding with a, “Yes, sir, you should begin drinking the liquid prep at 4pm today to start your clean out”… Why must everything be so proper and kind? Why is it that the patient can swear and be a little bit crude, and you know that if you responded in kind back to them then it would come out horribly for you in the long run. I have had people swearing up down and sideways at me. I’ve had messages left by angry people, not at me persay but at the situation, and they are using some of the most colorful language that just isn’t needed. Although maybe it’s the theory like your father always had when things get broken at home… you know “the magic incantation” that when you were 5 you would hear; and then go running upstairs and repeat the phrase you just heard, from your father, when he was working on getting a screw to loosen - and you tell your mom aaallllll about it? Maybe it’s like that.

Although I don’t think that telling me that those “damn” pills don’t work. Is going to make them work. And I don’t think that telling me that you’ve had enough of this “damn” pain is going to make it go away. And sidenote, it’s not going to make anyone able to fix it any better. (Please fill in the word “damn” with a much more colorful word that rhymes with luck)….

Anyway… We were being silly today in discussing people and their poop. Yeah, we’re all strange. I think we all accept it and we’ve moved on. However, it is interesting how much more entertaining and colorful converstations can be when you talk about bowel movements, THE diarrhea, and constipation for 8 hours out of your day, 5 days a week and you’ve been doing it for months to years respectively. It’s funny to think that when I started in this job I was terribly embarressed to talk to a gentleman on the phone in regards to his rectal bleeding. I know that he was embarressed, and I know that they still get embarressed, but it’s just another day to me. I even get into more detailed questions to find out what is truly going on while just talking to someone over the phone; and it doesn’t even phase me. It phases them, that I can tell, but there isn’t much that can make me uncomfortable in regards to poop. But, to get back to how I started this paragraph - we were discussing talking to people about it, and somehow the phrase “poopey-doopey” came up. The phrase was thrown out there along with the thought that we should talk to people on the phone using this phrase. It was decided that it probably wasn’t the best idea, but it certainly gave us a heck of a chuckle for the afternoon.

We work, we have fun, and we try and help people. Not all people want to be helped, some are just complete freaks of nature that can’t follow simple instructions, while others are so convinced that they are dying, or obsessed with their bowel movements that you just can’t comprehend how they live their lives. But you get past it and move on and hope they have done the same. I apologize for not writing for, I think it’s been well over two months, but hopefully this entertains some. Hopefully it makes sense. Take care all!

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