MyPoopisGreen

I realize that I tend to harp on the subject, but it does just seem like the simplest thing - think about what you are saying, or going to say, before you say it. It could just be me - I’ll give you that I might have some awe-inspiring thoughts on occasion… but I don’t think that this one is that earth shattering of one. Stop. Think. Then speak.

Let me refresh the thought that with a colonoscopy you do have to be “cleaned out” prior to. It just simply makes the whole thing easier to do, if you can actually see what you are looking at. If you can’t get a good view in the colonoscopy you might have to have a Barium Enema…and I don’t think you want to have that, after everything else! And let me clear this one up, a Virtual Colonoscopy isn’t just THAT easy. You might as well DO an ACTUAL colonoscopy. Did you know that you have do the entire prep for the virtual too? No, you didn’t know that did you? Did you know that there is a little bit of a scope shoved in your butt? No, you didn’t know that one either! They need to pump air in to inflate the colon and get a good picture - AND if polyps are seen, guess what? You are just going to have to repeat the clean out process with an ACTUAL colonoscopy! So stop being such a weiny and do the actual colonoscopy, cause there really is no benefit to a person that has no history of a torturous or difficult colon.

Anyway, “the pill prep” which is 32 pills that you have to take over a period of time in certain intervals to “clean out” can give you diarrhea! All of the preps are basically laxatives, and they are ALL going to give you, THE diarrhea. So if you call me, and say you started taking the prep and now you have diarrhea I’m going to try really hard not to laugh and then tell you that it is doing its job. It is also dehydrating you. So when I tell you to drink plenty of fluids, I’m telling you that for your own good. I’m not doing any of this to punish you. Drink fluids so that you aren’t dehydrated tomorrow!!!

When we tell you that you can’t drive yourself home, it means that You Can’t Drive Yourself Home!!! You can’t drive slowly, you can’t wait it out at the hospital until you are “over” the anesthesia, YOU CAN’T DO IT. As in YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED!!! WE AREN’T GOING TO LET YOU DO IT!!!! If you don’t have a ride, and no, a cab driver that you don’t know from Adam doesn’t count; you aren’t doing your procedure. And then you just prepped for nothing!

And finally, there is no dress code for a colonoscopy. I suppose that I could tell you that we prefer if you showed up in a leotard, a tutu, a pair of tights, and some high heels just to see if you would do it. (I’m KIDDING!!!) But the truth is, you can wear whatever works for you. If you want to dress up in your Sunday best, or if you want to dress down and simply wear a house coat and some slippers that’s your perogative. Don’t think that when we see what you are wearing that we aren’t going to comment about it later to each other - but that’s the way life goes.

So, in review - Stop. Think. Then Speak. Unless YOUR only goal is to see if the people working at the doctor’s office can get their heads to spin around in a 360 rotation due to inane questions. But then again, if it weren’t for the inane questions, and craziness I wouldn’t have this much entertainment to share. I guess the glass is always half full.

Take care all!