MyPoopisGreen

Maybe people need to figure out what they are talking about before they actually start talking about it. Maybe people need to take responsibility for themselves, before they start blaming other people for their problems. Maybe life would be just a heck of a lot more simple if people stopped worrying about every little, tiny thing that doesn’t have much bearing on a whole lot.

First, a colonoscopy goes up through the rectum into the colon. It in no way goes anywhere near your throat!!!! Why I’m getting a phone call from a patient that states that he had a colonoscopy and ever since then he’s had a sore throat just boggled my already frazzled mind. I don’t even know how those two things correlate with each other in anyone’s brain!! You had a colonoscopy and now you have a sore throat - we didn’t go down through your throat, through your stomach, through 20ft of small bowel to then get to your colon to look around. And we didn’t go the reverse way of looking through your rectum, through your colon, through your small bowel and finally up into your throat just for the fun of it. First of all it’s not possible, and second of all, WHY would we do that?!?! So stop it!

Second of all, from my horrid day - if my eyes roll any further up into my head they will be coming back around the other way. Then maybe I could go on some sort of talent show with weird disgusting tricks that you can do. And then I would get questioned…”how did you figure out that you could spin your eyes all the way around?” And my answer would be…”oh no, it took some time, you can blame my patients for blathering on about their gas and their hemmoroids and then your eyes just automatically roll up into your head!” I don’t care that you have gas! There is nothing I can do about your gas, there is no quick fix for it, and honestly if you can’t get past it then you’ve got deeper problems! And in terms of your hemmoroids, again with the get over it! It takes time to make all the blood rushing through that vein that you’ve managed to pop out of your ass to go back in. And in the end, if it doesn’t go back in, you then get to go to a surgeon, have them wrap a band around the thing until it’s strangled and the tissue falls off - so just shut up about it and stop telling me about how much it itches and throbs. If I already gave you a little advice, then move the hell on and give it some time. For goodness sake!!!!

And finally - it’s an Emergency Room! The whole point of the emergency room is for people who have hurt themselves, have some sort of unexplained pain that can’t be taken care of in any other way, or for people who are really sick and just aren’t getting better to go to and get taken care of by licensed professionals. If you don’t want to take care of these people then get another freaking job! I’m sorry that wackjobs, and that people who have a 2 year old with a 100 degree fever also bring themselves in to make your life more difficult, but I have to talk to people about their gas and their hemmoroids so I think maybe we can call it even. It sucks that people are so cranky and unreasonable. It’s a pain that when you get older you stop having much of a rationale mind, and you certainly don’t LISTEN to what people tell you because you have your own agenda. It isn’t my fault. So get the stick out of your ass and just do your damn job! I don’t need you giving me a hard time on top of all my patients giving me a hard time and especially not when THE DOCTOR told the patient to go to the ER! I didn’t just pull this idea out and present it to the patient! I’ll put up with certain levels of abuse, but there are things that are just uncalled for and unneeded, and this was certainly one of them. You want to call and verbally abuse me, ain’t gonna happen. And in the end I’m probably going to snap. So Miss Nursey-poo from the ER who wants to lecture me about “reinventing the wheel” in regards to a patient that still has all this pain and yet has a normal CT scan -figure it out! I apologize that the patient is being THAT difficult, but I didn’t make them that way and I certainly didn’t tell them that if they went to the ER I would come on over there and hold their hand until they were ready to be seen! People hear what they want to hear and they dismiss the rest, anyone who has ever worked with people knows that. So get off your high horse and stop picking on me!!!

In the end, the lesson I want to carry across is to do your damn prep correctly for your barium enema; although if you had done your prep correctly for your colonoscopy then perhaps you wouldn’t need to be doing the barium enema - and in the end, NO the doctor isn’t just going to “push harder” to get through your colon to make it easier on you. Considering it would probably make things a lot worse when the doctor ends up perforating your colon for pushing harder. I don’t think that’s something that you want. A perforated colon, oozing all the crud that’s in your colon into the rest of your body cavities - yeah see that paints the most realistic, unpleasant picture that you can carry with you that will make you understand why you are now having a barium enema. Get over yourself! Don’t think that you can just call and be rude to me and get away with it, or get away with exactly what you want. Not going to happen.

Life isn’t fair and neither is the healthcare system. So go get your butt pumped full of radioactive fluid and be quiet about it. Wait out your hemmoroid to heal and leave me alone. Don’t tell me all about your gas, because I just don’t care. And if you want a battle of wills then you are in for a long fight, because I can be damn stubborn. And p.s. if your throat is sore call one of your other doctors, cause I really don’t think that having a tube shoved up the complete other end of you is going to affect your throat!

Thank you. And have a nice day!:)