MyPoopisGreen

I don’t care!  I just really don’t!  I don’t care that you’re bloated!  I don’t care that you have hemorroids or that a certain food gives you the runs!  Guess what?  We all have these problems!  We all have issues that most of us just keep to ourselves and don’t call ALL the time to figure out WHY these things are happening!!!

I was listening to the radio the other day, and one of the djs was talking about something having to do with bloating and other such issues; one of the other djs on the show started laughing and asked who really talked about these things?  Who would really express their discontent, or discomfort with such things so openly and freely?!?  I kind of chuckled as I was washing my face getting ready for my day, thinking…if you only knew!  The amout of people that “freely and openly” discuss such topics is actually kind of mind boggling to me.

 But that gets me back to my point - I DON’T CARE!  You might think that I care.  You might get the impression that I’m sympathetic to your plight; but in actuality I’m sitting there with the phone to one ear listening to the whining on and on about bloating; the food that was eaten that may or may not have caused the bloating; and OH the gas! And in the other hand I’m holding a pen and eyeing it.  With that pen I’m trying to figure out - if I just stab myself in the eye with the pen maybe, just maybe all my troubles will be over.  Actually, I’ll have a new set of troubles, but maybe I won’t have to listen to YOUR troubles anymore.  And really, when you think about it, YOUR troubles aren’t really troubles…you’re bloated?  Guess what?  Half the world is bloated at the same time, and tomorrow? Yeah, the other half of the world will be bloated.  I can’t do anything for your bloating!  I can’t do anything for your gas - and p.s. if you are an older person, then I’m thinking that the chances of your gas getting better is not really in the cards.  I’m gonna have gas when I’m older, and so will the four year old down the street from you.  It’s just the way of life.  If you’ve read my other blogs then you know that I’m a big believer in moving it along.  Suck it up, and move it along.  Life is life - there isn’t much you can do to control a whole heck of a lot of things.  You’re bloated?  Maybe you can eat some more fiber.  You’ve got gas?  Take some Beano - I don’t know.  I don’t have all the answers!  And guess what?  Neither do the doctors!  I know, big shock - but we are all just human.  Destructable, vulnerable, bloatable, gassy humans.  But life goes on.  And so will you.

So the next time that you’ve got the stomach bug - please, don’t eat quiche and drink a glass of milk and then call me the following day and ask me why you don’t feel well.  Please, know that perhaps a bland diet is the way to go, that whole chicken soup, crackers and toast diet that most people adhere to when they aren’t feeling well.  It isn’t just an old wives tale - you probably won’t feel sick while eating such things.  But stay away from the dairy products, and quiche?  Yeah, I wouldn’t recommend the quiche.

Take care all.  Please?  And you know, if you really are sick?  That I’ll be sympathetic to.

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