MyPoopisGreen

Ever heard of “subconcious burping”?  Apparently, it’s when you have discomfort in your stomach and your BRAIN decides that letting out a burp is the best way to relieve that discomfort - so you therefore stand in the middle of the exam room and BURP at the medical assistant who is merely checking you in and getting your vital signs and doesn’t ACTUALLY want to know your life history OR cares!

 But I digress… so subconcious burping - from a 44 year old Frat Boy who has stomach discomfort.  No wait, I’m sorry, Gastritis!  And he hasn’t drank any beer in weeks!!!!  Puh-lease!  Oh wait…well I had a few beers last night, and the discomfort was just so unbearable.  Uh-huh.  And when I drank some wine with Thanksgiving… right.  But you haven’t drank alcohol in weeks!  Sure.  Why would you be surprised that you are burping when you drink who knows how much beer every night?  Let’s get back to the basics - Gastritis - it’s an inflammation of the lining of your stomach.  Sometimes it is caused by things like bacteria, or excess acid production, some foods could cause inflammation in certain people, and then there are the things like NSAIDS like Motrin, Ibuprofen, Aspirin which all help with lessening inflammation in other parts of your body, but do tend to upset a persons stomach otherwise.  But that is usually along the lines of Chemical Gastritis, and once you stop the aspirin or ibuprofen it usually settles itself down and works itself out.  But if someone is suffering from gastritis and is drinking beer and smoking - not good things are going to transpire.  Think about it.  Alcohol makes your muscles relax, whether they are the muscles in your legs or the muscles in your stomach and esophagus.  Alcohol does not discriminate.  And beer is worse with the added carbination that it usually has going on.  So you burp a lot?  DON’T drink beer.  Nicotine is the same way.  Relaxes the muscles.  Coffee has caffeine, which relaxes the muscles.  All of these things are going to cause an increase in acid production in your stomach as well, so when you are doing all these things and then you tell me that you don’t feel well?  I’m thinking that I won’t be surprised - and not really going to feel sorry for you.

My response to this - grow up!  Stop drinking that much in your daily routine.  The only people that I know that drink THAT much are those kids that are still in college and are 20 years old and don’t know any better.  They haven’t drunken themselves into enough stupors to wake up passed out on the bathroom floor yet - not that that’s an excuse, but life is about learning, so they’ll have to learn that beer will make them burp, and quite possibly throw up, so they’ll figure out that moderation is key.  There is also the side note of people who are alcoholics, this is a disease and they need help.  But if this is a case of Alcoholism the guy isn’t ready to admit that he needs help, and that’s the only way that people change.  Second of all - don’t make yourself burp at me!  That’s disgusting and rude!  I personally am not going to flinch at such a thing, but it’s not attractive, and certainly as an adult you should know better!  Third of all, subconcious burping?  I don’t think so, somehow.  Either you burp or you don’t.  Oh yeah and maybe if you shut your mouth when you breathe you might have less air in your stomach - but that’s just a thought.

So to sum up.  While I realize that this burping is really cutting into your social life - your tales of such things, and then basically burping in my face is really cutting into my sanity!!!  And while I’m sure I can’t possibly understand how awful your life is with all your burping, you have to grow a pair and help yourself and stop the drinking of the beer!  It’s just the facts of life.  You think life sucks when you can’t drink your beer and smoke your cigarrettes?  Think of how much more your life will suck when your stomach lining is so inflammed and ulcerated that your bleeding… and nothing pretty is happening with that scenario.  Because guess what?  Then you’re making your life harder AND mine.  So cut back, take a look at reality and move it along.

Take care all!   And if I don’t post before then - Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

I don’t care!  I just really don’t!  I don’t care that you’re bloated!  I don’t care that you have hemorroids or that a certain food gives you the runs!  Guess what?  We all have these problems!  We all have issues that most of us just keep to ourselves and don’t call ALL the time to figure out WHY these things are happening!!!

I was listening to the radio the other day, and one of the djs was talking about something having to do with bloating and other such issues; one of the other djs on the show started laughing and asked who really talked about these things?  Who would really express their discontent, or discomfort with such things so openly and freely?!?  I kind of chuckled as I was washing my face getting ready for my day, thinking…if you only knew!  The amout of people that “freely and openly” discuss such topics is actually kind of mind boggling to me.

 But that gets me back to my point - I DON’T CARE!  You might think that I care.  You might get the impression that I’m sympathetic to your plight; but in actuality I’m sitting there with the phone to one ear listening to the whining on and on about bloating; the food that was eaten that may or may not have caused the bloating; and OH the gas! And in the other hand I’m holding a pen and eyeing it.  With that pen I’m trying to figure out - if I just stab myself in the eye with the pen maybe, just maybe all my troubles will be over.  Actually, I’ll have a new set of troubles, but maybe I won’t have to listen to YOUR troubles anymore.  And really, when you think about it, YOUR troubles aren’t really troubles…you’re bloated?  Guess what?  Half the world is bloated at the same time, and tomorrow? Yeah, the other half of the world will be bloated.  I can’t do anything for your bloating!  I can’t do anything for your gas - and p.s. if you are an older person, then I’m thinking that the chances of your gas getting better is not really in the cards.  I’m gonna have gas when I’m older, and so will the four year old down the street from you.  It’s just the way of life.  If you’ve read my other blogs then you know that I’m a big believer in moving it along.  Suck it up, and move it along.  Life is life - there isn’t much you can do to control a whole heck of a lot of things.  You’re bloated?  Maybe you can eat some more fiber.  You’ve got gas?  Take some Beano - I don’t know.  I don’t have all the answers!  And guess what?  Neither do the doctors!  I know, big shock - but we are all just human.  Destructable, vulnerable, bloatable, gassy humans.  But life goes on.  And so will you.

So the next time that you’ve got the stomach bug - please, don’t eat quiche and drink a glass of milk and then call me the following day and ask me why you don’t feel well.  Please, know that perhaps a bland diet is the way to go, that whole chicken soup, crackers and toast diet that most people adhere to when they aren’t feeling well.  It isn’t just an old wives tale - you probably won’t feel sick while eating such things.  But stay away from the dairy products, and quiche?  Yeah, I wouldn’t recommend the quiche.

Take care all.  Please?  And you know, if you really are sick?  That I’ll be sympathetic to.