MyPoopisGreen

I’m not a doctor. I repeat, NOT a doctor!  And NO I can’t see you as a patient.  I don’t have a license, I don’t have the authority to see, treat, or otherwise diagnose people or their symptoms.  I can take the information that you give to me regarding your symptoms and I can either infer that information into treatment options, and still have you be seen by a physician, OR I can relay the information that the doctor gives me and be the middleman through which treatment is provided.  And on a side note, everyone is fake sometimes, and there are the occasions where just cause I’m being nice to you on the phone does not mean that I like you.  It means that I tolerate you, your wacky behavior, and your odd requests just to keep you happy and hopefully, in the long run, take care of you.  Get it?  Got it?  Good.

So there is this patient.  She’s STRESSED!  No way?!?!  Guess what?  Everyone is stressed!  It’s a stressed-out society.  I think that if you have never felt a single ounce of stress in your life then you either adapt well to every situation that you are thrown into, OR you are a hermit, live in a cave, away from the horrors of mankind and life, and you can’t possibly be reading this, because computers are foreign ideas to you…so, don’t tell me you don’t know what stress is or that you have never experienced such a thing.  Now, anxiety, panic attacks, and the like, those are something that not everyone has.  Sure you can have anxiety over a test, or whether or not a person likes you.  You can have anxiety in the general term, but I’m talking ANXIETY - as in the littlest things make your head spin around, your heartbeat and blood pressure soar and you start to hyperventilate.  Or you make your stomach tie itself into knots over things that most people would take in stride and move along in life.  Different things trigger different people, and I’m not going to say that I’m immune to that.  If I were then I would be inhuman, and I’m not saying that I’m better than anyone else -I’m just saying that some of these patients really need to think before they speak.  They need to try and get a grasp on what first of all their body is trying to tell them, second of all what the doctor is trying to tell them about their body, and third of all that if you want the answers that you somehow aren’t getting you need to be more proactive in your pursuit for health and happiness.  “You are your own best advocate” as one of my partners in crime likes to tell patients - the thing is, it’s the truth.  You need to take your health and your symptoms into your own hands and get the answers that you need.  And I mean that you should explore it with your doctor, NOT on the internet and diagnosing yourself!  Get your answers, even if they may not be the answers that you want. Not everything is going to be good news, but hopefully you’ll get the answers that you need to hopefully, eventually, fix the problem that you are having!!!

What is GERD?  It’s the acronym for Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease…isn’t GERD just so much easier?  Anyway, it’s when the acid pumps in your stomach which produce the acid that helps to break down and digest food are a bit overzealous in their job.  They get a little crazy and provide a bit too much acid.  There are, as with anything, different triggers for different people, and stress is a big one.  Others can be caused by foods, caffeine, even smoking.  That’s where the “proton pump inhibitor” comes into play.  A PPI such as Nexium, Protonix, or omeprazole (generic - and pronounced OH-MEP-RAH-ZOL) can be taken to help control the amount of acid that is being produced, and hopefully cut down on your symptoms - which usually include stomach pain, burning in the stomach and throat, and sometimes even sour taste in the mouth due to the acid making it’s way all the way up there.  Again, with the fact that different people have different symptoms, and not one person is going to be the same.  Sometimes people have something called a hiatal hernia which in the most simple terms it means that the sphincter, or think of it as the doorway between your stomach and your esophagus, is left a little bit open all the time.  The muscle is just a little weaker there and doesn’t close all the way which allows the acid to sneak up when in actuality and a perfect world, it shouldn’t.  I don’t know the actual stats but a lot of the population has hiatal hernia’s and it really isn’t a big deal.  All of this?  Backstory in regards to the WACKJOB that I had to talk to the other day…now people who know me, and know my patients would say, Yea? What’s the change?  And I’m not saying that all my patients are crazy, but let’s just say, that they are damn special… Yeah I like that.

Regardless, I was speaking to this patient.  She has had multiple tests, and has been told that she should try and get her anxiety under control.  She doesn’t seem to grasp the concept of getting her anxiety under control, as she always seems to mention to me that “everyone tells me that I’m stressed, but I want to know how I can be stressed even when I’m sleeping…” I try to explain, on many different levels the idea of anxiety verses stress - and that everyone deals with things differently.  If for some reason your body hasn’t found the outlet for the stress that you are experiencing during the day, then quite possibly it is trying to express itself while you sleep - or try to sleep.  She couldn’t put her mind around that one either.  I don’t know how to get the message across to this patient that she needs to first, explain in a clarity that a person might be able to understand, what her symptoms are.  Because saying to me that she “has this pain, and it’s right here, and you know?”  Nope.  I don’t know.  I can’t see you, I can’t read your mind, and telling me that you have a pain, right here doesn’t do anything to vague it up for me.  The pain could be in your big toe, for all I know, and the pain is being caused because your shoes are too tight - in order to help, I need a clear picture of what the pain is - burning? pressure? is it worsened by anything? relieved by anything? I need specifics to then relay to the doctor to then possibly treat the problem.  I realize that explaining your symptoms is a hard deal, but just try and be specific as possible.  If nothing else try and be visual about the symptom, like the pressure resembles an elephant sitting on your chest, or the pain is what you would imagine a knife in your gut would feel like - it’s descriptive and really leaves nothing to the imagination.

In the end, I don’t have much control over the symptoms, the tests, or the diagnosis.  And unfortunately when you are trying to diagnose someone it all comes down to a guessing game and step by step process of ruling things out to get to the thing that is the culprit.  It sucks.  I’ll be honest, because a lot of waiting has to take place to get through each step, and in the meantime a lot of people are feeling like crap.  But whining to me isn’t going to help!  I’m sorry that the tests can’t happen faster, or that the results don’t come quicker, patience is a virtue - which I think I’ve said this before - there are people far worse off than you and your situation.  So give me a break!  When I call you back after 5pm I’m doing it because I’m being nice and I’m trying to address your issue the best that I can, so be nice to me and understand that I don’t want to be yelled at, or listen to you complain for 20 minutes when I’ve had to listen to about 20 other people yell at me and complain for other 20 minute intervals in my life.  I realize it’s my job, and what I signed on for, but sometimes it is a bit aggravating, especially when the people - yup all 20 are just crazy!  I guess it’s the few nice patients that I have that make it worth it, but sometimes it’s hard to remember such things.  Deep breath and smile - that’s the way life goes.

Take care all.  Enjoy the reading.  Oh and - Happy Thanksgiving!