MyPoopisGreen

I just want to prepare those that are reading this.  I’m not a mean person and I don’t mean to call anyone names, but there are times when frustration gets the better of you and  you just have to vent and perhaps say things that you shouldn’t say.  I guess though, it’s all just the truth.  And let’s admit the fact that sometimes…people are just morons!

How can you not know what words mean?  How can you not comprehend what a clear liquid is?  How can you not read some simple instructions and actually follow them?  How is it that people are such morons?!?

Let’s review - the definition for liquid in the dictionary is, and I quote: “having the properties of a liquid : being neither solid nor gaseous”  and the definition for clear is “easily seen through : transparent”.  Now I believe that while those definitions might be a little more complicated than even the theory of a clear liquid actually is - i think even a 4 year old might be able to understand what a clear liquid is!  Let’s for instance examine the idea that chicken….NOT a clear liquid.  I believe that chicken is solid, and oh, wait the definition for liquid explains that it is NOT solid and I don’t think that you can see through chicken, unless it is a special chicken that is somehow invisible, in which case then it wouldn’t be chicken!  So I’m going out on a limb and saying that NO, chicken is NOT a clear liquid.

You are probably all wondering what the heck I’m going on about.  Well I’ll tell you.  If you are having a colonoscopy then for the entire, yes folks, the entire day before, you have to do nothing but a clear liquid diet.  That means, no chicken!  So okay, you are doing this clear liquid diet, and that does include things such as popsicles and jello and even chicken or beef broth.  Because, and yes I’ll grant you that popsicles aren’t see through in their frozen state, however, you melt it down like it does in your mouth?  It’ll be “easily seen through: transparent” and you’ll be following the directions of the clear liquid diet.  No you aren’t going to die, no you aren’t going to starve to death, no you aren’t going to get all hypoglycemic as so many of my patients tell me.  I’m thinking that if you drink juice, and have those frozen clear liquid sticks and even eat some jello that has SUGAR in them, you aren’t going to feel a drop in your blood sugar.  You won’t get a headache, you won’t feel faint or get grouchy, you’ll be just fine.  It’s ONE DAY!  People can go DAYS without solid food.  The only thing you need to guarantee yourself is proper hydration and you’ll make it along just fine.  P.S. the fluid will fill up your stomach and if you REALLY think about, you will be so happy that you didn’t have any solid food in your system when you then begin the Bowel Prep to clean yourself out prior to the colonoscopy.  And if your mind hasn’t gone there yet, just ponder it a few more seconds.  There ya go.

That’s my second complaint, the bowel prep is pretty straight forward in terms of instructions and what you have to do.  And I’ll tell you that the only reasons that things go bad is for the following two reasons - either A) it’s not your fault, you have a really interesting digestive system with a few issues and one day of clear fluids and then the bowel prep is not going to get everything out of you and unfortunately you aren’t going to know that going into it for the first time.  Or B) you are just a MORON and can’t follow the directions.  Yes, that may be harsh, but you are an adult, you went to school and you do know how to read.  So why not use these life skills and READ the DAMN directions!!!  When it says to start taking the prep at a certain time, do it.  If you have a work conflict, then start it as close to the instructed time and go from there.  Just be prepared to be up for a little longer at night…be flexible here people!  Life is uncertain, go with the flow!  And yes, I realize that’s a little bit of a pun and it’s kinda gross.  But work with me!

I guess that’s all I have to say at the moment.  But it will entertain you until I get back to writing more.  Take care all!