MyPoopisGreen

I just want to prepare those that are reading this.  I’m not a mean person and I don’t mean to call anyone names, but there are times when frustration gets the better of you and  you just have to vent and perhaps say things that you shouldn’t say.  I guess though, it’s all just the truth.  And let’s admit the fact that sometimes…people are just morons!

How can you not know what words mean?  How can you not comprehend what a clear liquid is?  How can you not read some simple instructions and actually follow them?  How is it that people are such morons?!?

Let’s review - the definition for liquid in the dictionary is, and I quote: “having the properties of a liquid : being neither solid nor gaseous”  and the definition for clear is “easily seen through : transparent”.  Now I believe that while those definitions might be a little more complicated than even the theory of a clear liquid actually is - i think even a 4 year old might be able to understand what a clear liquid is!  Let’s for instance examine the idea that chicken….NOT a clear liquid.  I believe that chicken is solid, and oh, wait the definition for liquid explains that it is NOT solid and I don’t think that you can see through chicken, unless it is a special chicken that is somehow invisible, in which case then it wouldn’t be chicken!  So I’m going out on a limb and saying that NO, chicken is NOT a clear liquid.

You are probably all wondering what the heck I’m going on about.  Well I’ll tell you.  If you are having a colonoscopy then for the entire, yes folks, the entire day before, you have to do nothing but a clear liquid diet.  That means, no chicken!  So okay, you are doing this clear liquid diet, and that does include things such as popsicles and jello and even chicken or beef broth.  Because, and yes I’ll grant you that popsicles aren’t see through in their frozen state, however, you melt it down like it does in your mouth?  It’ll be “easily seen through: transparent” and you’ll be following the directions of the clear liquid diet.  No you aren’t going to die, no you aren’t going to starve to death, no you aren’t going to get all hypoglycemic as so many of my patients tell me.  I’m thinking that if you drink juice, and have those frozen clear liquid sticks and even eat some jello that has SUGAR in them, you aren’t going to feel a drop in your blood sugar.  You won’t get a headache, you won’t feel faint or get grouchy, you’ll be just fine.  It’s ONE DAY!  People can go DAYS without solid food.  The only thing you need to guarantee yourself is proper hydration and you’ll make it along just fine.  P.S. the fluid will fill up your stomach and if you REALLY think about, you will be so happy that you didn’t have any solid food in your system when you then begin the Bowel Prep to clean yourself out prior to the colonoscopy.  And if your mind hasn’t gone there yet, just ponder it a few more seconds.  There ya go.

That’s my second complaint, the bowel prep is pretty straight forward in terms of instructions and what you have to do.  And I’ll tell you that the only reasons that things go bad is for the following two reasons - either A) it’s not your fault, you have a really interesting digestive system with a few issues and one day of clear fluids and then the bowel prep is not going to get everything out of you and unfortunately you aren’t going to know that going into it for the first time.  Or B) you are just a MORON and can’t follow the directions.  Yes, that may be harsh, but you are an adult, you went to school and you do know how to read.  So why not use these life skills and READ the DAMN directions!!!  When it says to start taking the prep at a certain time, do it.  If you have a work conflict, then start it as close to the instructed time and go from there.  Just be prepared to be up for a little longer at night…be flexible here people!  Life is uncertain, go with the flow!  And yes, I realize that’s a little bit of a pun and it’s kinda gross.  But work with me!

I guess that’s all I have to say at the moment.  But it will entertain you until I get back to writing more.  Take care all!

I guess the question is whether or not people actually listen when they talk?  I mean, do they honestly hear the things that they say?  It’s a quandry that makes me think a little too hard about stuff, but then again, I guess it’s better than obsessing about my abdominal pain.

Over this past week and half, I have been wondering why people are just SO stupid.  And the stupidity is so much that you just can’t even say enough about it, or maybe it’s that I don’t have the words to really explain the stupidity.  This is where my question of whether people listen to what they say comes from.  I’ve heard a lot.  You gotta sort of train yourself into a place that you don’t laugh, you don’t giggle, you don’t guffaw at the personon the phone or in their face.  You accept and go with what they say, you hang up the phone and THEN you burst out laughing.  Or you go running to your coworker and say, “Do you know what this patient just said to me?!?!?”  And then you burst out laughing together.  It isn’t kind, but come on, can you honestly say that you would be able to keep a straight face when a patient says that one of their symptoms is the fact that they “fudge their panties”?  You know you are re-reading that right now, you are asking yourself if that was really just typed there, and now you are starting to snicker, until you fall into an all out belly laugh and say, Holy Crap!  THEY SAID THAT?!?!  That’s crazy!  Welcome to my world!

It’s not so bad when you hear that a patient has constipation, or chronic diarrhea - those are symptoms that you can handle.  Rectal bleeding is embarrassing for the patient to probably mention, but honestly, I’ve heard it all - as the above exhibits.  It’s the people that say that they are taking the prep for a colonoscopy and now they are having all this diarrhea!  Okay, think this over, the prep for a colonoscopy is going to GIVE you diarrhea.  That’s the whole point!  We want all that stuff out of you and giving you diarrhea is the best way to do it.  There is always the statement of “I want to schedule a colonoscopy but I don’t want to do the prep!”  Does that make sense in anyone’s head?  What do you think the doctor is going to do when they go to give you a colonoscopy and they go to put the scope up there and well, there isn’t any room for the scope because there is still a whole heck of a lot of %&*@…I mean, stool?  And with the final chuckle for this one - the directions tell you to take the tablets in the preparation kit at noon time, so when should I take the tablets?  Ummm, at noontime?  It’s just a thought.  READ THE DIRECTIONS!!!! Oh yeah, and FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS!!!!

Really tired here.  But I want to give a few people a laugh.  Take care all.  I’ll write more soon.  And nope, not making this up.:)