MyPoopisGreen

It’s not my job to tell you which clothes to wear, which appointments you should keep, or which foods you CAN’T eat.  Sure, I can advise you.  Sure, I can tell you what might be best in a situation - but WHY are you calling me to tell me that you have diarrhea, you took an Imodium, but should you keep your haircut?  Yes? No?  How am I supposed to know what you want to do?  Does your hair need to be cut?  Do you want to go get it cut today or would you rather reschedule when you are feeling better?  Oh yeah, wait - you NEVER feel better.  You just call and tell me ALL about your issues, even if they aren’t Gastro related and you FREAK OUT if I don’t talk to you, like somehow whether or not you go get your haircut is a dire emergency. Sure!  Go get your haircut!  But don’t you dare stay for a perm or a color that just isn’t a smart idea! Let’s think about these things, people!

I’ll grant you, I’m too nice.  I have my own issues that make me care about the people of this world, and then they drive me nutty and I have to type a blog to make myself feel a little better.  I care, I’m empathetic, sympathetic, and overly kind.  But that doesn’t mean that you call me, from a bathroom in Virginia!!!!, asking me if you can take your medication.  Do I think it will be okay?  Let me ask you this…How do you get up in the morning?  How do you get dressed by yourself?  How do you cross the damn street on your lonesome?  I mean seriously!

I got a phone call from one of my nicer patients, at 4:45 in the afternoon.  I spoke with her, thinking that something needed to be addressed.  “I have tried on 5 different outfits and I’m so bloated they are uncomfortable.  What should I do?”  You’re kidding me right?  You called me to ask me what you should wear because you feel fat?!?

 However, I think my favorite one from this past week was the patient that forgot that she hadn’t taken her fiber for a week.  She’d been suffering with increased stomach issues and she’d been diagnosed with IBS and it’s been about a week that she’s been noticing this.  She took that medication the doctor suggested, but she’s only getting minimal relief and what should she do?  Is something horribly wrong?  Have you been taking your Metamucil? I asked.  Oh.  No.  She ran out last week and hadn’t bought any and hadn’t been taking it.  It’s pure genius! Congratulations to me!

Okay, that was pure sarcasm.  But it’s exhausting having to deal with some of these questions.  I have very little patience left when it comes to actual things in life, because these people SUCK it all away.  I always figure though, at the very least I know what IS crazy, so that if I start experiencing symptoms I can get myself some help.  It’s a good piece of knowledge to possess. <Sigh> Well every one, stay sane!  Talk later.  Oh yeah - take care all.:)

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