MyPoopisGreen

I was going to go on about what a 500 pound man, a gallon jug, and Cdiff all had in common…and that would have been last week.  But last week has passed - so let’s move on to the present.

The present consists of the ungrateful, or maybe it’s the irrationality of patients.  Just today I was hit, face first with the complaints of one of my more “difficult” patients.  It was 9:25AM…our phones get turned on at 9AM; and I had been there since 8 trying to make sense of a few piles of charts that were remaining on my desk.

One of my cohorts in crime had answered the phone and told me that this patient was on complaining of the “same pain” that they had in February and they needed to be seen.  Because you know, the “same pain” really vagues it up for me - and I’m totally going to remember what your ailment was in February!  So, I pick up the phone and try speaking to this patient calmly and with understanding - but she’s got the “same pain” and she NEEDS to be seen.  I explain to her, with the utmost patience that I can’t get her in to be seen - we have two docs working, one is doing procedures all day, the other is covering hospitals and has office visits that have been booked, well forever, at least it seems that way.  But that I can squeeze her in tomorrow at the first time slot, and I will talk to the doctor and try and get the ball rolling on what is going on with her.  This wasn’t the most acceptable answer I guess, because I was ranted at for a good ten minutes about the hours the office claims to be open, the number of messages that she has left, and the fact that she was calling once again to speak to a real person and she found it VERY hard to believe that she truly couldn’t be seen today because there had to be a doctor that could see her.  I told her there was, in the emergency room if her pain was that bad.  But otherwise, I had an appointment for her tomorrow and that I would do what I could for her today.  After several more explanations and such she finally conceded that I could go off to do my little job and help her I just BETTER CALL HER BACK!!!!

By the way for clarification sake, the “same pain” was a diverticulitis flare, which can be painful, it is an infection and she does need to be seen.  However, trying to push me around is not going to be the most productive way of getting me to help you!  Alright, that’s not true.  I guess these people can basically treat me however they want, and I’m going to have to continue to smile and be polite, because I’m in the customer service business and - “The customer is always right!”  So, this customer was treated to a CAT scan in the early PM of today - I got an immediate wet read on the patient, and had already called in antibiotics to the pharmacy of their choice by order of my doctor.  AND she has an appointment in the early AM of tomorrow.

I bent over backwards for this patient and when I called her to let her know that her diagnosis was that of diverticulitis so she should start her antibiotics I was treated with - “Wow, you got the results already?”  Yes. I replied. I asked for a wet read so that I could know what was immediately going on with you. And the antibiotics are called in, so you should just come in for your appointment tomorrow.“Well, what is the doctor going to do at this appointment if I’m already diagnosed and being treated?”  (You wanted a freakin’ appointment and I gave it to you and NOW you don’t want the appointment?!?)  I explained that she needed to be seen and she was okay with that.  And then, the scariest thing happened…she said Thank You!  Yeah, I was sure she must have hurt herself with that one.  Wooo!

Anyway, so that’s that.  Remember - be nice to the office staff that you talk to.  You can be forceful and make sure that they are taking care of you, but remember, you aren’t the only person that these people are taking care of and they will do the best they can to help you, and they might even do more for you if you are nice to them.  Plus, they won’t call you “difficult”.

By the way the gallon jug is an interesting story. Take care all. 

So let’s be real here.  Why is the name of this blog, mypoopisgreen?  It’s due to a lovely experience with a patient the other day - now I’ll grant you the patient had a legitimate concern; at first.  But after calling 3 days in a row following her procedure it was getting to be a bit much.  And the questions were the same ones, over and over and over and over and over…again.

The information that I got out of her  was that her stomach hurt, she had discomfort, she was taking her Prilosec (although according to the doctor she wasn’t), she takes aspirin, and she would cut back on eating acidic foods.  At least I think so.  There was a language barrier, and while I’m sure she had a hard time understanding me, I talked to her for 45 minutes the first day and 30 minutes the following two days.

The last time I heard from her this message is what greeted my ears - “Hello, it’s me again, my poop is green!”  I was thinking, well, you probably took your iron pills - “I haven’t taken my iron pill since Saturday, and my poop is dark green.”  - What have you ate?  Would be my next thought, but all she could go on about was the fact that her discomfort was a bit better, she was taking her Prilosec, and she hadn’t taken her iron since Saturday.  Well who am I to argue with the discomfort being better?!?  I wasn’t pushing it.  Green stool is not overly concerning.  Although I guess a BIG question I’m wondering, and have wondered it for a LONG time is…Who looks at their poop that closely?!?

If you are having a hard time, if you happen to glance down and see something odd, or even if there is some blood on the toilet tissue I would grant you a peek.  But WHY are you looking at it so closely?  Why are you playing around with it?  It’s like your mother always tells you - don’t touch it, you don’t know where it’s been!  And while in this case you do,  just leave it alone!  It’s okay.  Somehow you’ll survive.  The body is an amazing thing!  It takes care of it’s problems for the most part, and it tells you when you need to go do something.  Staring at your bowel movements isn’t going to help you out much.

So that’s my little rant for tonight.  I know that I said in the last entry that we would talk about Abdominal Pain - so maybe next time.  Otherwise, we’ll talk about something as equally entertaining.  That much I promise you.

Take care all!  And don’t obsess!:)

Welcome to, MyPoopIsGreen.  Never thought that you could discuss ‘poop’ so freely?  You would be surprised!  You would also be surprised over the crazy questions that you are a faced with on a day to day basis.

“…In the summer months,” the lady starts, “I notice that after eating all those summer fruits, I tend to get diarrhea.”  Good for you, I think. “And I know that part of it is because of the fruits - I mean I can eat 10 to 15 cherries in one sitting!  But then the diarrhea doesn’t go away for a while, even when I stop eating the fruits!”  “Do you continue to stay off the fruit?” I ask.   “Well, I’ve stopped eating the cherries, but by the time the diarrhea has stopped I then try eating some blueberries.  Then the diarrhea starts up again!”  And why would that possibly be?…  “And so then it wanes and sometimes I have to take some Imodium - but then I get constipated and then I try to eat some nectarines…” “Well, maybe you should considered cutting down on the fresh fruits that you eat, since it does seem to have an adverse affect on you.”  “But I’ve had all the tests done.  It can’t be that, because all the tests came back normal!” “Have  you been allergy tested?” “It can’t be allergies.  I’ve never been tested, but I’m only allergic to Penicillan.”  Because what do I know?  I’m merely the Medical Assistant!  Why are you even calling me, and taking time out of my day if you are going to diagnose yourself anyway?!? “I would just like you to ask the doctor, but I’m not doing anymore tests since they all come back normal.”  “Okay, but I think she’s going to tell you to cut back on the fruit.” “But it’s so good.”  “Well then you are going to have to suffer the adverse reaction that you have.” “Just ask the doctor…”

Can you guess what the doctor said?  Join us next time for…Abdominal Pain… dun-dun-duh!!!